I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
