its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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