He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
two words...techno handjob
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
