Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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