five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
