Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
