hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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