Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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