please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
