he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
