I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
