why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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