Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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