I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
