The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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