How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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