exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
