that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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