It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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