I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
