I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
