This is not my ceiling
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
