i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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