She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
