I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
