Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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