More tranny stories later!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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