this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
