It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
