She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this will be a night to untag.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
