Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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