i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
