if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
