What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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