I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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