We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
