Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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