Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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