You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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