Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
