she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
