i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
