Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
