I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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