I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
