We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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