Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
