Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
