my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
