So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
