I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
