Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
