I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize