I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
