Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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