I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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