She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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