Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
