dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
