dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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