I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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