don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
