She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
