Life is so much better after having sex.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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