The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize