If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I bet he comes in French.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
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