i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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