I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
