dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
