I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
