I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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