That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
