just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize