I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
