I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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