; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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