He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize